Society as a whole is a bit backwards, isn’t it? Beer and body wash companies will use boobs all over their advertisements to catch your eye, and yet openly talking about even vanilla sex in public with an interested conversation partner will earn you scornful looks from passers-by. Our carnal natures are constantly appealed to on billboards, magazines, commercials, and Internet ads, and yet even acknowledging the fact that the temptation is being put forth is grounds for ridicule. It’s quite the elephant in the room – except the elephant is covered in breasts and you’re confusingly aroused by it.
Which, obviously (or not), brings us to kink’s place in all this. It’s hard enough for people with vanilla interests to express themselves. The kinkster has quite a rough road ahead of them indeed. All is not hopeless, though. There are plenty of ways for you to show your lifestyle off in public, with or without a partner beside you.
Social Expectations and You
Let’s just get this out of the way. If you want to live in society and enjoy all the comforts it has to offer – a comfy apartment with WiFi so you can browse RedTube or fetish dating site reviews, for example – you’re going to have to pay lip service to the rules that it has set up and respect the personal boundaries of those around you. As an individual in the kink community, you’re surely familiar with the motto of safe, sane, and consensual. That C-word at the end is the key here. You’re free to indulge your kink as long as you don’t invade the boundaries or compromise the safety of people who aren’t involved. And don’t play dumb about not understanding how others could be affected. If you’re adult enough to want your partner to walk you down the street like a dog while you’re in your gimp suit, you’re adult enough to understand that your actions have an effect on people who bear witness to them. Just like you’re free to express yourself, they should be free to not be a background extra in your roleplay fantasies.
Low-key Ways to Indulge Yourself Without Making Others Uncomfortable
While the gimp suit and walk down Main Street may be out, don’t put away that dog collar just yet. Collars are subtle enough fashion accessories that you or your partner will be able to sport them without making any bystanders uncomfortable. When making them an everyday part of a wardrobe, you and your partner also have the opportunity to design outfits around them. That gives you an excuse to buy a wide array of collars for every occasion. You may not always be able to work the leash in, but then, the best-trained dogs don’t need leashes to stand by their masters. Show her how much you’ve learned or have her impress you with her discipline.
Body art is also a good way to express yourself in a way that doesn’t offend the sensibilities of the most passers-by. (Passers-by who sneer at tattoos and piercings, well, they could use a few lessons from you on how to respect other people.) Subtle Celtic knots or tribal designs around the neck and wrists can denote chains. Ear gauges and nose piercings can have chains attached that are safe and comfortable enough to be kept in on the go, while still being visible. Of course, body art and piercings tend toward the permanent side of things. You’ll want to consult your own personal tastes, as well as your partner’s, before installing anything.
It can also tend toward the expensive side for good results, but you don’t want to skimp on quality in the name of price when it comes to something that is being carved into or poked onto your body. Saving a hundred bucks or so isn’t worth having those Celtic knots on your ankles look like something out of a kindergartener’s crayon-on-walls art. If you’re not willing to go the whole hog for a full sleeve or back of full color body art, there are more subtle pieces available. Simple chains in black are a perennial favorite, and a somewhat newer trend involves designs in white ink. White ink leaves marks that resemble white-hot brands – the resemblance is what draws the eye of many kinkstersfrom fetish dating site reviews- and allows for striking and unique results. Consult with your partner and design some possible pieces together. It’s a good bonding experience, and will make your eventual finished canvas that much more personal.
To state the obvious, you absolutely, positively don’t want to go the homebrew route with tattoos and piercing. You’re just asking for an emergency room visit and a nasty infection. If you remember stories from high school about your friends piercing their ear in the bathroom with an ice cube, needle, and a handful of paper towels, you can blame their survival on teenage dumb luck. You really, really don’t want to try the more complicated or sensitive piercings on your own unless you’re a certified professional. Genitals are sensitive enough and don’t need to be poked by a needle wielded by shaking, inexperienced hands. The best professionals will discuss the procedure with you and tell you about the care you’ll need to apply after the procedure, as well as for the years to come.They can also give you advice on procedures like gauging, which require some measure of personal upkeep, if further expansion is wanted. Be very cautious with gauging, and err on the side of patience. Trying to stretch the ear or lip too quickly can result in tearing and terrible infections, as well as scarring that can only be corrected with cosmetic surgery.
How to Convince a Partner to Indulge with You
Of course, all of the above suggestions assume a willing partner or the single man out in the world on his own. What if your lady isn’t totally on board with showing off your bedroom interests in public? Communication is, as always, key here. Sit down together and discuss why she’s uncomfortable.
If she’s just shy about it, try suggesting she try subtle things to work up. A slender collar that’s almost indistinguishable from a stylish necklace won’t draw any confused looks, and will give her that pleasant feeling of naughtiness and danger without overwhelming her. Suggest that you try things first, to show that there’s no danger in it. If she’s afraid of the commitment of something like body art, have yourself serve as the canvas, or try less permanent ideas. Drawing on each other with (skin-safe) paints available on the top sites for adult supplies can be very intimate, and will easily wash off once you’ve grown tired of it.
If she’s uncomfortable with sharing such a personal part of herself and your relationship with the outside world, you may be tempted to shoot back that engagement and wedding rings have the same effect, but try to see things from her point of view. It’s flattering that she doesn’t want to share you with the world, but explain to her that there’s no sharing to be had. You’re showing each other off as taken.
Always try to discuss the matter with your partner. If she’s firmly against it, drop the subject or drop the relationship and start reading through fetish dating site reviews. Check the ranking of the sites at fixatedfreak.com/best-dating-sites/. Choose a legit site and start fresh. Decide which is more important to you: your kink life or your relationship.